Monthly Archives: September 2011

I’m So Mad I’m Gonna…Backpedal


The parking lot at our store is typical of pretty much anywhere here in Stripmall City: tiny spaces crammed together for maximum capacity and minimum convenience. Last night a hipster wannabe in his mid twenties came in and before he even ordered he started raging about the parking.

Hipster Wannabe: “Hey. Do you guys know who owns that monster truck right there?”

My boss looked outside and shook his head. “I sure don’t, why?”

HW: “Because I’m gonna fuck it up on my way out of here.”

At this point I’m a little more interested and I look outside. My boss has a look of “Really? Did you just say that to me?” on his face.

Me: “That truck right there? Yeah, that belongs to the bald woman sitting at the table in front of it.” The woman is, in fact, bald. And large, like a pro wrestler. She also has some very distinguishing facial disfigurement that I won’t go into here. She comes into the store now and then and is a very funny and upbeat person, I assume as a result of her physical and/or medical challenges.

My Boss: “What’s the problem, exactly?”

HW: “She fuckin’ parked that beast over the line so I could barely get in next to it. I’m totally gonna fuck it up on the way out. That’s just her fucking problem.”

I can see my boss is nearing the border of Too Many F-Bombs, so I ask the guy what he’s drinking in an attempt to prevent a full-on train wreck. He tells me his drink and I start making it while my boss rings it up. Meanwhile, Hipster Wannabe is still fuming and keeps looking outside at the truck and the woman. And then…

HW: “Oh. It’s her? Well…hmm. I… yeah. You know, I’ve seen her here before. She’s kinda got a lot of shit going on, right? I should probably just cut her some slack, huh?”

Me: “Well, maybe, yeah. I mean, sure, that’s a big truck and these spaces are pretty small… this kind of thing happens all the time. Maybe she doesn’t know she’s over the line…”

HW: “Now I feel kinda bad about wanting to fuck up her truck…”

What made you decide that to forgive her shitty parking? The fact that she’s missing part of her face or that she’d probably break you in half?

Plus also too: There were at least seven other empty spaces he could have parked in.

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Filed under *The Coffee Shop Days*, Just Wow, Oh The Humanity!