Apparently this is a WTFIWWP? week. Today’s contestant hails all the way from Boston, home of beans, tea parties, dirty water…
…and at least one incredibly annoying young woman.
Her cup came to me on the bar and it was a simple drink: Americano with no room. Seriously, aside from ice water, an Americano is the easiest drink to make and the hardest to fuck up. I mean, really: espresso and hot water. Leave room for cream or don’t.
So, she orders her drink with no room, which makes me think she’s drinking it black. As soon as I hand it off to her she turns on her Boston charm:
Miss Boston (in a tone that implies not only that I’m just the help but also that I just ruined her day): “Can I get some soy for this?”
Me: “Well, sure you can. You wanna slide that back over here and I’ll add some for you?”
Miss Boston (offended now): “No. Just give it to me. I don’t want you to do it.”
Me (handing her the soy carton, probably a huge Health Department violation): “We really don’t mind doing it, you know.”
Miss Boston: “I know. I don’t like you to.” She then went over to the condiment bar and committed one of the Cardinal Sins of Coffee Shops: she poured about two inches of her drink into the trash can. Seriously, why do you people do this? Have you no idea how nasty a leaky trash bag is, especially when dozens of people are dumping liquids into it? Ugh.
She then poured her soy and brought the carton back.
Me: “You know, you can ask us to leave some room so you don’t have to dump it out into the trash, making it easy to add your soy.”
Miss Boston (looking at me as though she’s Stephen Hawking and I’m trying to explain physics to her): “Yeah, no. Then you just leave like two inches of room in it.” At this point I’m starting to wish I’d kept my mouth shut, but we’ve come this far so…
Me: “You can always just tell us ‘light room’ and we’ll leave just as much as you want…” Even though you just dumped out two fucking inches you stupid skank.
Miss Boston: “Look. I’ve been doing this for years. You never get it right.” And then, thankfully, she stormed off.
The most satisfying part of all this, other than her departure, were the looks on the faces of my regular customers during and after this exchange.
There are some things in life you just can’t buy.