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I am both amused and annoyed by customers’ behavior every day. Now, while I am about to sound really bitchy and whiny here, I would like to make it clear that I love the work I do and I appreciate and value all my customers; without you, I have no reason to be at work.

That said, there are a number of things you need to work on. This will not only make my job easier, but it will help you get what you want and get back to your lives that much quicker. And also, if you don’t mind my saying so, away from me.

So here’s a list of things you need to start or stop doing right now:

1. Be prepared. It’s not rocket surgery, folks. It’s coffee. And let’s be honest: we’re everywhere. Our menu is pretty much the same no matter where you visit, so unless you’re about to try something completely new, you don’t need to stare at the menu making this face:

I am so confused by this menu... Do you have coffee here?

2. If you are ordering something that requires additional information, go ahead and offer it. You don’t need to wait for me to ask you. For example, when you say “I’ll have a bagel.” I am then forced to ask you to specify which of the two types of bagels we have you would like, and then if you want it toasted, and then further if you want cream cheese. It may seem like a no-brainer, but rest assured there are people in this world who like non-toasted bagels or bagels with butter. Point is, you know how you want your bagel. So fucking tell me without me having to drag the information out of you. And stop poking your head into the barista’s station to say “Excuse me, I forgot to say I wanted that decaf and with sugar-free syrup.” while they’re finishing up your drink.

3. Want water? Ask for it when you order your other drinks and/or food. We won’t charge you for it, I promise. But we do have to enter it on a ticket so the inventory system can adjust for the use of a cup. When you wait until you’re down at the drink pick-up area to ask for water, you not only disrupt the barista’s flow by forcing them to get a cup and fill it with ice water for you, but you’re also fucking up our inventory. Stop it.

4. And while we’re on the subject, it may surprise you to know that we are supposed to ring up all the little details of your drinks. Yeah. When you order your drip coffee with 2 pumps of vanilla, three pumps of caramel and 11 Splendas, we have to ring that shit up. No, we’re not charging you extra for the Splenda, but we do charge for the flavors and, again, we need to track the inventory. When we’re busy, we usually have someone who goes down the line and takes orders while you wait to get to the register. When you do get to the register, it’s important that you tell us what you ordered. Don’t just say “I ordered a mocha.” when what you really ordered (what you always order) was a triple nonfat no whip cream caramel mocha. All that shit matters. If it didn’t matter, wouldn’t you just order a mocha?

5. Stop being so goddamned impatient. You can see it’s busy and you know there were several people ahead of you by the time you ordered. They are gonna get their drinks before you get yours. It’s just the way of things. Running late? You probably should have left earlier, don’t you think?

6. Don’t take someone else’s drink. I’m pretty sure you know what you ordered. I’m also pretty sure you know who was in line ahead of you. Given those facts, I don’t see how you can honestly stand there asking “Is this mine?” after I call out an Extra Huge Chai Tea Drink when you ordered a Small Soy Mocha.  Or worse, just grabbing the wrong drink and walking out. True story: Customer A ordered a giant vanilla steamed milk, while Customer B ordered a giant 5-shot latte. Customer B, in a huge fucking rush and not paying attention at all walked off with the steamed milk. It’d be a shit-ton funnier if I didn’t know that he stopped at another store complaining that I’d made his drink wrong and got a free replacement.

This is by no means a complete list, but I’m gonna stop here. Don’t want to overload you, you know.


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Filed under *The Coffee Shop Days*, Oh The Humanity!, Retail Rant

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